Belated Birthday Love

Mr. Peyton turned 43 on July 25th. Only my family and some of my friends (and of course the boys) wished him a happy birthday... sigh... Anyho, we rang in his special day doing... pretty much nothing! teehee! But he seemed to enjoy it.

In honor of my SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN, I wanted to share the lyrics to a song that always reminds me of him when I hear it.

Little words with love and understandin'

From a small town Southern man

And he bowed his head to Jesus
And he stood for Uncle Sam
And he only loved one woman
(He) was always proud of what he had
He said his greatest contribution
Is the ones you leave behind
Raised on the ways and gentle kindness
Of a small town Southern man

Callous hands told the story
For this small town Southern man
He gave it all to keep it all together
And keep his family on his land
Like his daddy, years wore out his body
Made it hard just to walk and stand
You can break the back
But you can't break the spirit
Of a small town Southern man

I love you Fu-Fu! Always have... Always will!

God is Love--Peace Out

July 17, 2010

Bright and early on Saturday, July 17th, 2010 we rose, dressed and headed out for our family vacation. Pumping myself full of curiously strong coffee, I prepared myself for the day as we trekked down I64 towards the serene beauty of the Outer Banks and North Carolina. I was preparing to stare down "the BIG 4-0".

Surprisingly enough, I was full of enthusiasm. (or extra strong coffee? or excitement cuz I was heading to my favorite place, EVER) Nah, something was clicking inside my head about embracing this chapter, heading in full swing, happily.

We made great time getting to the beach and I was almost like a 8 year old (not a middle-aged woman) scrambling out of the 4Runner, gathering towels, chairs and sunscreen, and making a bee-line to the backdrop of my soul refreshing comfort.

A couple of years ago, we were in OBX for my birthday and a school of dolphins visited. I felt that was MY gift that year. It literally made my day. (Have I mentioned that I'm fascinated with dolphins--Flipper was 1 of my fave shows growing up--LOL) I wondered to myself if I'd get that gift this special year as well. The boys relayed that they hoped I'd get that precious gift. (aww--love them, this was before they got a little ungrateful... ugh) Well, guess what... THEY CAME! They frolicked. I know they wished me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! AMAZING! Ahhh, yep, my final birthday wish came true! God is good!

We had lunch at the Pier Restaurant, delish. A grumpy local got irritated with me. UGH! We checked into the hotel and ended up back out on the beach that evening. BLISS!

God is Love--Peace Out

Closeness...

Ok, I can't wait to blog about my birthday and our vaca to OBX. Sweet Outer Banks, North Carolina! Ahhhh! In my world, there's NO PLACE like that delicious little slice of Heaven!

Speaking of Heaven... I HAD to share my very 1st sunrise over the ocean. In all my 40 years, I've never experienced that mesmerizing peacefulness.

I'm sooo not a morning person, however I was determined I was going to see the sunrise over my beautiful Outer Banks ocean, this trip. It's strange, it was like I was almost pulled by some outside force to do this. Was it determination? Was it that I am now 40 years old and feel kinda like I HAVE to do certain bucket-list-type things? Did my soul need nourishing that bad? (I have told you that the beach is good for my soul, right?) Hmmm... I think it was God. God knew what witnessing His beauty would do for me!

As Mr. Peyton and I sat on the hotel's weather beaten deck, I got ready. Coffee? Check! Cig? Check! Camera ready? Check! Then Ean comes out to join in. I was speaking to him, when I hear my husband say, "Here it comes"...

That's when it started. (I don't know if I can get through this without crying) Just the slightest pink. (I couldn't speak) More pink, maybe a little orange? (Now I was completely in awe, feeling a closeness to the Lord) The sun is half way up now. The bright sky is a kaleidoscope of pinks, oranges and yellows. The waves are almost a whisper. No one is saying a word. I'm snapping photos without even looking at the camera screen. Again, I can't take my eyes off of the sun. (I begin to thank God for all my blessings, silently) The beautiful scene is now complete, as a gull swoops by. The sun is up, shining it's brightness on the sea. On myself and my family. (Evan is here now) Mr. Peyton ended up with the camera. I don't know when he got it, I was too enthralled with tranquil beauty. My soul was busy. My heart was overflowing with God's grace.

I will forever remember my very 1st sunrise over the ocean. An everyday miracle, I suppose.

God is Love--Peace Out

chasing youth?

I'm sooooo not into the whole Zac Efron craze. I DO think he's cute as a button though! Anyho, I've been seeing the previews for his new movie, Charlie St. Cloud. I think I want to see it. Looks sweet. Looks sad... I love a good cry during a movie! Probably won't pay the theater prices to see it, guess I'll wait till it comes out on DVD.

Anything about brothers draws me in!

God is Love--Peace Out

Heroes

Got my 1st 40th birthday card today from a sweet lil visitor...

It read:

40?

Don't freak out or start trippin...

"Old people don't use words like that anymore".

TEEHEE! Guess who it's from... Give up? My Dad!!!! Silly boy!

It was so great seeing him tonite! Although, he did look tired. Worn out--physically and emotionally...

I'm so happy to spend another birthday with him! Have I told you that I really like that man?

God is Love--Peace Out

(photo taken Homecoming 1987)

LORDY, LORDY...

"Women are most fascinating between the ages of 35 and 40, after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few women ever pass 40, maximum fascination can continue indefinitely." --Christian Dior

I read this today and absolutely LOVED it!!!! Heehee... I'm slowly, with the help of my friends (cuz you KNOW, I get by with a little help from them) convincing myself that 40 is fabulous. I'm trying to embrace the upcoming event!

God is Love--Peace Out

...Doors?...

I just read these lyrics:

Seize the summer

In your pride

Take the winter

In your stride

I really love Jim "The Lizard King" Morrison

God is love--Peace Out

It's June...

At the drive-thru of BOA today, I was writing the check for Allen's truck payment. I couldn't remember the date, so I looked towards the window and saw the square, large-print calendar. It said JUNE 4. Do what? Where did June come from?

I literally stared at the ugly little black square that stated it was June. I made it, I thought. Like trees growing in Brooklyn--well, maybe that's not the metaphor I'm wanting/meaning to use. Like a dandelion that grows in the crack on a busy, city sidewalk. I've emerged from another winter, alive and sane! The winter of 2009/2010 was the hardest yet! All the snow, lack of funds and problems with the hubs had me at the the depths of hell.

I've been feeling better. Thank you sun. Thank you God. Thank you June! I quickly wrote out the check, put it in the drawer and spoke to the teller. I then, rested my chin on the steering wheel and breathed in the humid June air. I made it.

God is love--Peace out

Love Notes

(Front of page)
To Mom
from Evan Gods Girl
Mom



Cool Girl

(inside)
Dear mom I love you I miss you so much that I just feel home sick. I miss you so. I feel home sick, I JUST MISS YOU!
You are so nise you are gods girl.

(bottom)
Gods girl
MOM


This was given to me (and I've typed it exactly the way he wrote it) from my baby boy, Evan, today. It has some drawings on it as well--an angel which he labeled as God and a girl (me?) that he labeled as God's girl.

Have I told you lately how much I love him? This is 1 of the MANY reasons Mr. Evy has me so totally wrapped!

God is Love--Peace Out

Spread your tiny wings and fly away...

For the past, hmmm, 6 years, I've called myself the "Old Bird Lady". Seriously, I'm like the old women who lives alone and lives to feed and watch the wild birds that come to the feeders in their yard. It's been almost an obsession with me. I lure in the pretty songbirds with over-priced seed and fancy feeders, strategically placed in my front and back yards. I have a fondness for cardinals (Red Jays, as Evy used to call them) and blue birds. I do everything I can, to make certain those 2 species, especially, have what they want and need to insure that they speckle my yards with their loveliness.

I haven't bought birdseed in months. Several feeders are in need of repair. Even more are either on the ground or broken, laying where they fell.

This morning, while I sipped coffee and had my first cigarette of the day on the carport a male and female cardinal fluttered around the remaining cat food on the carport wall. They flew from it to the fence, happy it seemed, to have something "special". I smiled, in spite of myself at their beauty. Then I had to snuff out my cig, unable to face their hunger.

I went out again, just a few moments ago for another cig and to hide my tears from my family. I stood at the far end of the carport looking out at the road and yard, all covered in whiteness. I looked again at the largest feeder in the front yard. It hung, empty, lonely I'm sure, for the birds that used to frequent it. Once again, I had to look away. Suddenly, a small snow bird flew onto the branch of a weeping cherry tree, directly in front of me. I made eye contact. It made eye contact. It cocked it's head, seemingly asking me if I was ok. Seemingly asking for his bounty. Then it flew away.

God, was that you? Are you showing me the beauty in life? Are you telling me that, even tho I don't feel like it, people and things depend on me? Are you telling me about the beauty and wonder in this world?

Or was it simply what it was? A hungry little bird...

Sad Angie

Wow... it's been a long time. I wish I could write more often. Of course, I could. I wish I was up to writing more often. There, that's better. Keeping it real, like I try to do.

2010 is starting off pretty funky. January has never been a good month for me. Certainly this one is at the tip top of the CRAPPY List. Money sucks... I'm so freakin tired of worrying about that. My cleaning business is practically null and void right now. I've spoken with some folks about part-time jobs. I so don't wanna go back into that, but I feel as I have no other choice. ugh... You know, I shouldn't say I don't wanna go back to work. I think I need to. Not just cuz of money issues, but I'm slipping into a deeper depression and maybe the distraction will help. I flounder all day, when I'm at home, feeling sorry for myself and diverting my attention with Facebook, the telephone, the tv or books. My house is getting quite disgusting. As for cleaning it, the closet description I can us is "hitting the high spots"... And that's being liberal. I've got about 5 loads of clean, albeit wrinkly, laundry in baskets around the house. Dust of about 2 inches covers EVERY surface. My kitchen floor is so soiled with coffee stains and God knows what. I got a wonderful steam mop for Christmas from Chicken and I like using it--but what's the point... It's just gonna get filthy again... Not the regular Angie's way of thinking. This is "Sad Angie".

Oh, got off track there for a sec--I am so hoping and praying that a receptionist job that I submitted a resume for works out. It probably won't--I'm not trying to borrow trouble, that's just the funk I'm in. Shoot, who am I kidding... that's the way things tend to be working out for me right now.

I need sunshine. I need warm weather. I need someone to say nice things to me. I need someone to hold me and tell me everything's going to be ok. I need to get my meds, as tonite is the 2nd nite of being out of them... Stupid--I should have called in the refill earlier. I don't even had the gumption to do that... ugh

I had a fight with my cousin today. We're not close, never have been, but I'm pissed anyway. I kinda hate everybody right now. I wanna go on a sabbatical. Just me... nah, I'd cry because I know I'd miss Ean and Evan. Even tho I've been an absentee Mom these past couple of weeks. Another thing I'm so depressed about. I hate getting up every morning saying to myself "Today's gonna be better, different" "I'm gonna pull myself up by my boot straps, today" and of course, it NOT happening... sigh....

Mr. Peyton is not helping anything... period. Actually, the cause of most of this. That's all I'm going to say about that, for now. double sigh...

Well, if there's 1 thing I've done right it's been this dieting thing. I've lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. It hasn't really been hard--I've been so blue, the hunger pains at least let me know I'm still alive...

God is Love--Peace Out